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Finding the Love of Your Life: Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner, by Neil Clark Warren
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In 25 years of counseling couples, Dr. Neil Clark Warren discovered that marriages most often fail because people simply choose the wrong person to marry. In this Gold Medallion award-winner, an 11-month Christian Booksellers Association bestseller, Dr. Clark shares ten proven principles for finding the perfect mate.
- Sales Rank: #363245 in Books
- Brand: Gallery
- Published on: 1994-12-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .49" h x 5.44" w x 8.24" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 165 pages
- Great product!
About the Author
As one of America's best-known relational psychologists, Dr. Warren earned his Master of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Chicago. His first book, Make Anger Your Ally, was heralded a "must read" by Time magazine, and his best-selling Finding the Love of Your Life won a Gold Medallion. Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life, and Loving It was selected by USA Today as an outstanding contribution to the field of marriage. His most recent books are God Said It, Don’t' Sweat It and How to Know if Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less. He and his wife, Kay, live in southern CA, and have three grown daughters.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Terrific!
By westchester
Someone at work let me read this book after I had been recently divorced. This is an all time favorite of mine. I just wish I'd known the red flag situations years ago before I made the major leap into matrimony. If nothing else, it soothed my soul. At last I could understand why our 35 year relationship was troubled for so long. We did amazingly well considering we had every red flag listed. The author suggests not getting married if a couple has even just one red flag situation in their relationship. In my opinion, this should be required reading for every high school and college age student. Perhaps it would help reverse the divorce trend if young people were made aware of danger signs signalling disaster ahead. I recommend this to every single person I know.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Finding the right marriage partner.
By Stuart
This book helped me to understand the importance of a long-term relationship and how to go about "picking" the right person to marry.
It is important to mention that I am a bible believing follower of Christ, and although I do not think "online matchmaking" a good source for marriage, I do think Neil Clark Warren wrote a piece of gold here.
If you have never been married (or even dated a girl before) how are you supposed to know who would be a good choice? You seek advice from your friends and family, maybe, or perhaps you pick someone who is attractive and gives you sexual appeal.
The best advice I can give someone about marriage/dating is to read, read, read. There are many books about marriage (such as; The Meaning of Marriage) and they offer a window into the world of marriage to someone who has never experienced it before. It will prepare you for the most important decision of your live (or at least the most expensive one).
Don't get me wrong--asking friends/family for advice is very important. In fact, Warren talks about that in his book. But nothing is more important than preparation. Read this book and talk about it with your friends before you make the biggest decision of your life.
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
I purchased many copies of this book to give to pastor friends who want to save marriages...
By Gordon W. Watts
After having read this book, I feel that this is *THE* best book on prevention (which is better than cure) of 'bad' marriages! Therefore, I went to Amazon here and purchased MANY copies of Dr. Neil Clark Warren's book, "Finding the Love of Your Life: Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner," --and given it to many church leaders whom I know --and with good reason:
Dr. Warren, PhD. and Christian Psychologist/Author, was a dean of Fuller Theological Seminary's Graduate School of Psychology, author of books, one of which is available from Focus on the Family Publishing, and a featured guest on radio and TV, including Geraldo and The Oprah Winfrey Show.
In his book, he lists 10 principles, but the most surprising one to me was "Principle #3: Make sure the person you marry is very similar to you." (p. 162) From this, I was able to confirm my own research was correct:
((( #1 ))) Similar Personalities build stronger relationships -- romantic and otherwise. (Warren's point above)
((( #2 ))) Similar Appearances are "more attractive." (Warren also touches on this surprising fact: people tend to gravitate towards people who look more similar than average, and this is a good tendency.)
((( #3 ))) Similar Blood Types avoid Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn -- the Rh-incompatibility disease. (Another surprising parallel!)
He is a trained expert to be sure; yet, he researched other studies to check the facts. Check out what he uncovered:
"J. Phillippe [see note about spelling below] Rushton, a professor at the University of Western Ontario in Canada, summarizes a considerable body of research:
Several studies have shown that not only the occurrence of relationships but also their degree of happiness and stability can be predicted by matching of personal attributes.
Finally, after a careful review of the literature, researchers White and Hatcher conclude:
Clinical studies available indicate that similarity is associated with marital success and is less associated with marital instability and divorce. Evidence suggests that dissimilarity per se is associated with instability and divorce." (Ibid., p. 49)
(Note about spelling for above: I found many web pages spelling Mr. Rushton's first name two ways: "Phillippee," and, more commonly with only one "p" as "Phillipe." Thus, even thought Dr. Warren uses the less common spelling, it seems ok to me: it stays as is.)
To help the prospective husband or wife find the right person, Dr. Warren lists as important or "absolutely essential" the following similarities (pp.53-54):
Intelligence (not Education); Values; Intimacy; Interests; and, Expectations about roles. (It is noteworthy to note that he didn't list ethnic background or race as essential to compatibility. Marriages are usually within the same ethni-racial and religious background, but I and other researchers are not prejudiced nor inflexible.)
Some "Differences that spell trouble" include:
Energy level; personal habits; use of money; and, "verbal skills and interests." (There is "interests" again!) He also cites flexibility as a quality or trait that can compensate for a multitude of differences.
Finally, Dr. Warren lists among his other principles that one must not be too young, too impatient, must not marry someone with a behavioral problem, must learn to be intimate, to resolve differences, be comfortable with your decision, wait for a deeper love, consider advice from friends, relatives, and so on. This list I am citing IS NOT comprehensive for his book, but it's the best I can do for a mere book review.
His claims about "similarities," however, are supported, by a U.S. News & World Report quote I found: "More than 90 percent of all people marry and, they typically chose mates who closely resemble themselves, from weight and height, to intelligence and values, to nose breadth and even earlobe length." (p. 59 of the July 19, 1993 issue)
The implication above is that the natural tendency for persons is to gravitate towards those similar to them is beneficial. The implication is supported by the evidence.
OK, seeing he is a 'Christian' psychologist and author... how about some support from the Bible? (Don't cringe, atheists: we must consider all the facts.) * Genesis 2:22: "And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."
TRANSLATION: Woman is from man -but *not* the same gender: She must be female. (I don't mean this in any way to disrespect or insult homosexuals -I love homosexuals and gays, yes, I do, but I am straight, not gay. LOL)
But, as he claims to be a Christian, we, his Christian readers want to know: "Does the Bible support his claims?" -- YES!
Amos 3:3 says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" This is a rhetorical (obvious) question: the answer is a resounding "No."
From the New Testament:
1st John 3:2 "Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is."
This is significant, since we are the 'bride of Christ,' and the bride and groom are SIMILAR: Look at that again: We shall BE LIKE Him [Jesus].
This accords with 2nd Corinthians 6:14, which says: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:..."
Yes, the 'significant other' has to be saved ALSO (read: Spiritually 'SIMILAR'), but it is much more that that -THAT is why Dr. Warren does his research!
Also, I cite my own informal but scientific personal observations. It seems to confirm the other studies. But before you take my word too far, let me point out that since it is "good," therefore it ** IS ** from God! My scripture reference:
The Book of James, Chapter 1, Verse 17 "Every **GOOD** gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." ~ WHICH AGREES WITH: Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are *TRUE*...think on **THESE** things."
Hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
I ask you: Is Dr. Warren's research not true and good? ~ But of course: Think on THESE things - I rest my case.
Gordon Wayne Watts
LAKELAND, Fla. ('tween Tampa & Orlando), Fla.
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